Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Text me some of your sweat
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
