I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
