I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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