i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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