I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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