jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Buhtt sex?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
