I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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