i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
