It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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