my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
