Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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