we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
