I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
