Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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