my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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