Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
