If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Boobs are out for the taking
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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