I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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