glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the day after is always just damage control
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
