i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
