it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
