Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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