i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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