Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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