I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They took my balls.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
