Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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