I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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