it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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