i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
