just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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