I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
