I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
