I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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