Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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