Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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