I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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