I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
