Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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