i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
