you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
