I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
