Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
