If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
