I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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