I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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