Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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