Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
