I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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