If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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