im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
True college students do jello shots in the library
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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