why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
