Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
