He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
